Never-Ever After
by kardamon
Summary: Did the last few books leave you scratching your head? Hear Eric explaining to Sookie what's going on. After-canon. Coda to coda. Sorta. You'll see.


**Hallo! A short one this time. Not much plot, but I got this idea as to how to explain why the last few books made no sense and I wanted to share it. Sorry for all mistakes – my Beta is cut off the internet, so I posted it on my own.**

**I'm supposed to write Serious Stuff right now, but I was just staring at the blank page in my text editor and thinking of this story anyway, so I decided I might as well write it and get it over, so I can go back to work… yeah, that's what I'm telling myself…**

**Disclaimer: If was the owner, I would hide and keep my mouth shut.**

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„Arrrrgh!" I yelled as I send the book flying across the room and into the wall. "I fucking hate this shit!"

I rarely cursed, but I was livid.

I felt Eric's hands gently taking my wrists and turning me around to face him. I didn't notice when he walked into the room. He unclenched my balled into fists fingers one by one and took my hands in both of his before cradling them against his chest. My. Eric.

Who in their right mind would give him up?

"I told you not to read these books," Eric scolded me softly.

"They made me a total bitch," I said suddenly getting teary. "What kind of woman would get mad at the man she supposedly loved when she realised that he counted on her giving a shit that someone essentially sold him off like a piece and property and he assumed she would want to think of the way to stop it?"

"Lover…"

"I mean, the book me is like 'it's your mess, clean it up, if, if you can't, you're not trying hard enough'. Jeez, if I really did such a number on you, I wouldn't blame you for leaving!"

"Shhh… I know. You need to calm down."

"This… _other Sookie_… she thinks it's selfish that you would hope for her to use cluvier dor on you, even though you never actually demanded it, but _nooo_… it doesn't occur to her, that you could be hurt that it didn't even _cross her mind_ that she has the means to help you until someone points it out…"

„That's why I told you to stop reading," he stopped my rant by putting a finger on my lips, when I came dangerously close to hyperventilating.

"You read it all, didn't you?"

He shrugged.

"Everyone is going to know what's in them soon. I didn't want to get blindsided."

I sighed.

"That's what I was trying to avoid, too. You know, I actually hear people thinking about it after they read it."

"Come here."

I gladly stepped into his embrace and hid my face in his chest. He stroked my back in a soothing motion.

"So, you know how it ends?" I asked after a while when I calmed down a bit.

He grunted affirmatively.

"And?"

"Don't read it," he said simply.

"That bad?"

"Worse."

I looked up at him.

"I leave, you are left to live your human life in peace," he summarised.

"What does it mean, you leave? Leave me? Area Five?"

"Both."

Then it clicked.

"Don't tell me you actually do end up in Oklahoma to serve some bitch as a play-thing for the next century!"

Whoever wrote these books – did they fell on their head as a child and suffered some irreversible trauma?

"Well… not a century."

"How long then?"

"Apparently, I renegotiated the contract… for two centuries."

"What?! Why would you do that?"

"Officially, to buy you protection while I'm gone," my hearth ached – that actually sounded like something Eric would do, "but the book Pam told you I was just trying to impress Freyda with the show of loyalty."

I thought hard, but I came up with nothing.

"It doesn't make any sense."

Eric chuckled.

"No, it doesn't. I also read that I decided to stay in Oklahoma even after the contract was up." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not sure if it was ever explained why. I never wanted to have more power than a sheriff."

"What about me? Did I at least realise that I had some of the blame to take?"

Eric cringed.

"Ah, no, not really."

I looked at him closer. He wasn't telling me something.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. What is it?"

"I just think I might have to bleach my brain after reading the sex scene between you and Sam," he admitted reluctantly.

"The… Wha… SAM?! What the fuck?!"

"My thoughts exactly."

"But... why?"

Was there any method in that madness?

"Apparently, you wanted quiet life away from the supernatural community and you realised that Sam's been there the whole time waiting to give you that."

"Sam is a Supe," I pointed out numbly, but Eric only gave me a look. The 'You think I don't know that?' look.

Great. Now people would wonder if I was sleeping with Sam every time they see me.

"Where they high?!" my temper flared again. "Who is writing these books, anyway?!"

Eric sighed.

"I tried to find out, but I have no clue. They just keep popping up, no matter how many of them I burn."

I knew that, of course. At the beginning, we thought we could just buy them all and then destroy then, but the new copies always sprouted up magically, both in the bookstores and on the internet. Eric thought that we might have accidentally created the alternative universe where that ridiculous plot was true when we used the fairy token to fix everything, and that the books where the trace left behind the magic. It would be easier if all the books were as ridiculous as the last ones, but the first ones were more or less accurate, so everyone could tell they were really about us.

I cried out in frustration. Eric rocked me and kissed my head.

"Shhh… They're just books, lover. They can't really harm us. I'm here and I know you would never do that."

"But… Everyone thinks I would, now," I sobbed.

"I don't care. I'm sorry that you have to hear it in their minds, but we know the truth. We'd been warned that there would be unforeseen consequences of making the wish. It could have been worse. You'll see, they're forget eventually, and leave us alone."

He was right. It was a small price to pay for keeping him safe and with me. I sniffed.

"I love you, Eric," I said hugging him. "I would never, ever let you go without a fight.

He rumbled happily and kissed my forehead. And then my eyes. And cheeks.

"I know," he purred before kissing my lips. "I love you too."

I relaxed against him and snaked my arms around his neck happily expecting the moment when he would pick me up and carry me to our bed. We kissed unhurriedly for a while before I finally felt him lifting me. I sighed.

"At least it's over now," I said when he laid me on the mattress.

"Hmmm?"

"This was the last book, right? There won't be any more of these?"

He hesitated.

"Eric?"

"I heard some rumours about the TV show based on the series."

_Oh, joy._

I groaned loudly and covered my face with my hands.

"Not that I would mind seeing you on the screen..."

"Kinky," I could hear a leer in his voice and I would laugh if it was any other time.

"...but I can't see it turning out any better than these damn books."

I was getting upset again quickly as I started imagining more possible horrific scenarios coming to life in HD like the nightmares coming true.

"No, no, no," Eric said pulling up my shirt, when he noticed the change in my feelings. "Let's forget about this."

We did. For the next six hours.

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**I'm going to pretend this is what really happened. Leave me a review! I missed you!**

**P. S. If you're reading With Benefits, I might have a surprise for you soon!**


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